Rules for Relationship Communication

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An eye for an eye will only make the world blind” ~Mahatma Gandhi

Arguments and relationships go hand in hand like peanut butter and jelly. Unfortunately, arguments are not as sweet as jelly and don’t go over as smooth as peanut butter. When we argue with our loved ones, it is important to remember that it’s not necessary to deliver a knock out blow. Think of the argument as a heart to heart conversation and not a bare-knuckle showdown.

Here are some simple steps to remember when arguing:

1. Pause

Before you engage in an argument with your loved one, take a moment to reflect on your feelings. Ask yourself, “Why are you upset?” Are you really upset because he or she was late or could it be your partner has not been giving you enough attention?

It is important to know why you are upset so you can communicate this clearly.

2. Discuss one issue at a time

Once you clarify your feelings you can begin to discuss why you are upset. Many times in the heat of the moment we bring up past digressions and end up arguing about something else entirely except the matter at hand.

Try to keep the argument about the current disconnect by remembering to discuss one issue at a time.

3. No degrading language

Discuss the issue, not the person. All attempts must be made to keep the conversation civil. It is important to avoid name calling, swearing or put-downs. Keep in mind that negative words are a manifestation of negative feelings. There is never a good enough reason to call your partner a derogatory name.

There are unpardonable words that can leave a partner feeling emotionally scarred making it harder for them to receive your love. Remember, this is someone you love and you really do not want to hurt them.

4. Express yourself

Use words to express how you feel and take responsibility for those feelings.

Start your statements with ” I.” I feel angry. I feel hurt.

By starting statements with “I” you are able to connect with your words with your emotions. Avoid using statements beginning with “You.”

Statements starting with “You” tend to make the other person feel attacked which often leads them to shut down emotionally.

5. Take turns talking It is important to take turns speaking.

Once you have had your turn, it is important to listen to what your partner has to say. If this is difficult, use a timer and a set amount of time for each person to speak. You can also designate an item to use like a talking stick.

Whoever holds the item can speak. Just make sure you remember to pass the item! The talking stick method has been used for hundreds of years by indigenous people. The “Talking stick” can be any object.

6. Knock down the walls

Stonewalling is the refusal to communicate or express emotions. It is very common during conflicts. People often do this when they want to avoid an uncomfortable conversation or prefer not to engage in an emotional discussion that may lead to a fight.

Stonewalling can include a refusal to discuss feelings or walking out of a conversation. When you are both in a “sober emotional state,” make a pact with one another that you will not stonewall and will engage in a meaningful discussion no matter how challenging it may be.

If one of you feels the issue warrants a discussion, the other person must respect the request by engaging and listening.

7. No Yelling

It may feel great to unleash your frustration on your partner by yelling at them, but many times this only adds fuel to the fire. When a person is yelled at, they tend to yell back in self-defense.

This often results in an escalation of self-defensive responses from both parties. Yelling typically results in further alienation and frustration. Sometimes, a partner will not engage in the yelling but will passively accept the treatment. This only leads to fostering resentment by the person being yelled at.

Remember, remain calm and use words to make your point, not volume.

8. Take a timeout

In a perfect world, we would all be able to communicate effectively with each other and have no need for rules. You are not expected to print up this page and follow each step while you are arguing. This is not a script for the perfect fight. In the real world, voices will be raised and perhaps a few hurtful words will be used.

When you feel that the temperature is rising, take a time out until both parties cool off. Agree on a time to continue the conversation. It is important to agree on another meeting to continue the discussion so one or both parties do not attempt to stonewall.

9. Compromise

If you reach an impasse in the argument, try to come to a compromise. If you can’t reach a compromise then agree to disagree. Try to understand each other’s point of view.

Discussing and attempting to understand will help soothe negative feelings. Communication is one of the strongest pillars of the house of love, so it is important to reinforce and strengthen this skill whenever possible.

The thoughts expressed in this blog post are my own and are not meant to create a therapeutic relationship with the reader. This blog does not replace or substitute the help of a mental health professional. Please note, I am unable to answer your specific mental health questions as I am not fully aware of all of the circumstances.

The more you know, the more you grow

love you angels,

Giggles the Poet

REBIRTH

We are hurt when others first meet us
We laughed and smiled never showing our scars
We’ve come to believe in our minds we don’t deserve it
Thinking not of our strengths but a lifetime of flaws

My angel, what baggage do you carry forward?
Whatever you bring is more added weight
When two souls first get to meet one another
You both don’t show all the problems that are on your plate

When you unpack your baggage you start bleeding
And your heart is locked up in your lonely past
And you wear a fake smile when your loved one approaches
So, they won’t see the shadow your real baggage casts

Broken people try and fix broken people
As we fight to be present in our truth
Then the past creeps in, we can’t leave it alone
And our heart closes as we get lost in the pain of our youth

The truth will correct the errors you have in your mind
Because when two hearts blend as one they will transform
It’s not the battles we lost, or the stories we remember
And it’s sharing each precious moment when you both are reborn

(c) Giggles the Poet July 14, 2020

It’s your willingness to look at your darkness which empowers you to change

Love and hugs

LOST IN SILENCE

Lord, today I feel so weak, I fear I will die
And I barely sleep, or eat
I live with this silence and it tears me apart
I can hear only the sound of my lonely heartbeat

Lord, what can I do so I can remain strong
And get myself out of this home 🏠
Each day I’m living with negativity is bringing me down
I know in this home, with this man is not where I belong

Each day I feel like a prisoner stuck in a cage
I no longer have a partner, there’s nothing we share
He sleeps more than anybody should
And when I feel so alone, you are the only one there

Lord, what do I have to do to move ahead?
And how will I survive if I do not sleep 😴 or eat?
Lord, tell me how do I help your angels stay strong
If I don’t have the strength to stand on my feet 🦶🦶

Each day I pray for things to change
But in this silence I get lost
So, I write to you to stay sane and alive
Yet, I feel the many precious moments and precious time that it’s cost

Lord, what do I do next, where do I go?
Today, I feel tired and It’s dragging me down
Each day when I wake up I feel like I’m fighting in quicksand
And in my ultimate demise, I will drown

Lord, I’m fighting so hard to come back to life
And I need your help to keep me from dying
I’m in a world I have never been before
And all I ask is that you give me the strength to keep going and keep striving

(c) Giggles the Poet October 11, 2020

Happy thanksgiving

I know tomorrow will be a better day 🙂

THE POWER OF NOT KNOWING

Soul Tip:
The Power of Not Knowing…

Humans really do have superpowers. Abilities that really set us apart and give us incredible potential

One of these is the power to suspend belief and disbelief. The power to not know the answer.

Once we know the answer to something, we close ourselves to further possibility and discovery. It’s only in the beginner’s mind that we can discover the unknown and increase our awareness. And since it’s impossible for anyone to have 100% of the information — a 360-degree perspective — on any given idea, event, or phenomenon… choosing to not know the answer is the wisest approach.

So question your own beliefs. Challenge the things you “know” to be true. Leave room for possibilities you haven’t seen — the unknown unknowns.

And if you want to go a step farther…practice the art of suspending your belief — taking what you know and temporarily pretending you don’t know it. It’s the same process you use when watching a movie; to enjoy a fictional movie, we practice suspending disbelief — we temporarily pretend that what we’re seeing is true. Try temporarily pretending that what you believe is not true.

A Daily “Word Commitment” Strategy

Try this simple evidence-based exercise that is specifically designed to help you achieve daily goals with greater ease.

Think of 3 words that represent qualities/goals/values that will help you get the most out of the work you need to accomplish today.

For example, today I have important deadlines to complete and I can’t afford to be distracted by anything. So my words today are FOCUS, COMMITMENT, and SUCCESS. Now it’s your turn:

  • What do you want to accomplish in the next 24 hours?
  • Close your eyes and relax, and then ask your intuition to find a single word that will help you achieve your goal.
  • Write it down and repeat this step two more times.
  • Repeat all three words over and over again and find the one that resonates the most with you.
  • At the beginning of your work day and every hour throughout the day, pause and spend 60 seconds repeating that word like a meditation.
  • See if you can enter a trance like state and then return to work.

Your “Power Word,” as I like to call it, stimulates the motivation network in your brain and you’ll remain more focused with less stress.

Each day you might want to select a different word to resonate with your next goal. Words will change every day depending on what you want to achieve. For example, you might want to use PEACE one day and RELAX on another day. You can even choose to change words throughout the day. Just look for that little boost of energy – the dopamine that is released from your nucleus accumbens – and meditate on the experience. It will stop your mind from ruminating on negative thoughts.

You can also choose to focus on a positive or pleasurable memory, or visualize the face of someone you love or respect. The brain depends on simple words like this to help anchor it to the task at hand and to interrupt the inner and outer distractions that interfere with goal attainment.

Love you, Angels 🙂

GOD’S MASTERPIECE

May you all find your Own masterpiece 🙂

One day I will not have to struggle
And when that picture is perfectly clear
I’ll hold on to this vision, keep it safe in my head
As I deal with and release what is left of my fears

I am trying to change my life circumstances
Still unsure of where I should start
My future is calling, but I’m still being held prisoner
By a lifetime of injustice, that has clouded my heart

Lord, I know you will help me make the right choices
Because I feel a future pull now so strong
I still feel like a castaway in my own world
And one day I will find the place where I truly belong

I will not give up, nor will I hide myself away
From my future because it will be filled with such peace
As I make my way out slowly and embrace a new world 🌎
I will plant the seed of hope again as I complete God’s masterpiece…

© Giggles the Poet
May 1, 2015
4:15-4:16 p.m.

To know I found that place first in my heart, mind and soul…and then here on earth, is more than I ever imagined….

To be free is the greatest experience of all…..paint your own masterpiece angels…..you still have time…..

time is precious…make the most of each second…don’t dwell on anything….stay present….because in that lies the gift God wants you to have…….

LIVE, LOVE, LEARN….that is your power

God bless…and thank you for sharing this life journey

FAILURE AND SUCCESS

Feel the dream or feel the fear
I’ll tell you, angel, your mind doesn’t care
Failure is failure, it will lead to success
Decide what you’ll tell the world, leave out the regrets

Take full responsibility and accept every part
Who cares who may judge you, don’t take it to heart
The only thing that matters is what you’re going to do
Accept both the good and bad and make them work for you

No one is a failure, that is just a word
And it’s something the whole planet has heard
All that really matters is your power and state of mind
Take some action everyday and turn back the hands of time

(c) Giggles the Poet
September 21, 2019

EVERYTHING A MAN DOES FOR HIMSELF HE TAKES WITH HIM….EVERYTHING HE DOES FOR OTHERS, HE LEAVES BEHIND…

Happy Thanksgiving my angels, wishing you a great long weekend with loved ones…

God bless

A POET IS BORN

A POET IS BORN

Time to close the chapter on MEDICAL MADNESS and start many more new ones. As long as God speaks, I’ll write until I die 🙂 and probably long after.

In 1985 a Poet was born
God gave her life and by that she was sworn
Despite all the losses, a writer was created
By a world of perceptions as cruelty debated

Thirty-three years were not all a loss
God spoke new perceptions strength and faith were my cause
Now I’m back with a vengeance and God stands by my side
The tables have turned and we have turned the tide

I hope God gives you more mercy than you ever showed me
All the crosses you bare must be very heavy
Now I end one chapter and I start a new war
And God will stand by my side to keep the wolves from my door

My only disability was living in society
And in 1985, that was all taken from me
So, I grew in isolation and I grew through the pain
And each day I trained my mind, a new rebirth began

Now I’ll be the Tsunami and I’ll take back my life
And end the injustice you caused others, ending the strife
And may God have mercy, should you go his way
Because when you take life from others, you’ll be expected to pay

© Giggles the Poet
July 19, 2018
3:00 p.m.

Wishing you all a great life and mind journey 🙂
Love and hugs
Giggles the Poet

I hope I can give and find justice for injured workers, or help anyone dealing with a disability find the voice

The more voices we have the more changes we’ll see.

I hope you sign up and support me as I fight for justice and bring awareness and hope to anyone lost in these unforgiving systems….

We are not labels, or a disability, we ARE INSPIRATION AND HAVE MANY ABILITIES….Never let anyone try to change your unique beauty or take your voice away. Restitution rests in God’s hands….

Walk with love and light
MAKE YOUR MIND YOUR BITCH

Giggles Counselling & Consulting
MOTIVERSITY-School of Mind management
gigglescounelling@gmail.com
647 298 3587

If anyone needs help, I am always here…and have a library of resources to help empower you and help you STEP INTO YOUR GREATNESS

TURNING PAIN INTO POWER 🙂 🙂 We’re in it together 🙂

http://www.Facebook.com/Giggles63

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS 2020 HAPPY THANKSGIVING – BE STRONG YOU ARE LOVED

Lord today I am counting my blessings
And I as I visualize them one by one
I’m filled with abundance and gratitude
For reminding myself of the many things you have done

On this day, Lord, I feel more grateful 😝🙏
For these many creative gifts that you have bestowed ✍️📚
And for the poems that you share with me each minute
That helps me think and figure out where I want to go

We are in a new pandemic 🥵 and for my angel’s it’s scary 😢
But I know the hard way there are also two sides to the coin 🎁
Because we have been given, more time and more freedom 🧘‍♀️
So, we’ll figure out who we are and where we went blind😜🧠

When we are with the right like-minded people 👭
We are free to create, grow and think 🤔
And we all giveback by moving forward each day
Becoming more mindful and aware when we start to sink

Into a focused state of depression or apathy 😔
Or thinking, believing that we are all alone
We have to find and count our blessings in the darkness
And be grateful for the food on our table in the place🏡 we call home 🏠

Thank you 🙏 Lord, for reminding me
That as long as we lay down our anger and swords ⚔️
The fighting will be over, we will reunite 👨👩🧒
And bring a new peace ☮️✌️ back to this beautiful world 🌎

© Giggles the Poet
October 10, 2020

Happy Thanksgiving my Angels,👼 No matter where you are my prayers and thoughts are with you 🙏💕🤗

Be safe and be strong

We are all in this together…WE ARE GOD’S WARRIORS

PRAYERS FOR MY ANGELS

Dear God in heaven hear my prayers
Keep my angels safe, make them more aware
Remove their sorrow, pain and strife
Shine your glorious light, so they’ll be all right

Dear Lord, give my Angels courage everyday
So, they don’t let this crisis stand in their way
Lord, wrap them in your warm embrace
So they know they are safe in their chosen place

The world is in chaos and each day we see more deaths
Give them greater courage so they’ll do their best
Lord, show us a sign so they’ll have more faith
Help them feel their power so they can be great

Lord, bless all my angels as they sleep tonight
And when they wake in the morning they’ll have the courage to fight
We are your warriors and we will not fall
And when they need your help, you will heed their call

Lord, we hear the news and it’s so grim
But, we are strong warriors and we’ll eventually we win
We will build a new 🌎 world without destruction and pain
Dear Lord, give us the strength to rewrite our story again

(c) Giggles the Poet
April 3, 2020

Stay strong 💪my Angels. you’re always in my prayers

HAPPY THANKSGIVING 2020 STAY SAFE 🙂

FEEL YOUR FEELINGS

Angel, it is necessary for you to feel your feelings
Because for anything to ever get through
The barrier that is holding your soul prisoner
Has locked away from the world the best part of you

My Angel, it is ok to let those tears fall, let them drop
Because it is a signal that you are not dead
So, despite how you may be feeling right now
You are just wounded until you change those thoughts in your HEAD


Take it from me, I am a novice, and I am an expert
From the age of five, the devil, God and I sat at the same table
But God would never abandon me
No matter how society tried to break me, or how they made me disabled

For Thirty-five years I never showed the world my true pain
And I have hidden so many of these crimes
But for these people to help us or, to move forward
Then you have to help them understand how we strengthened our mind

So, my Angel, what are you doing next?
Can you let go of a lifetime of belief’s that you feel?
Will you just focus on the changes for yourself and your new life ahead?
No matter what you believe right is so real?

Believe me, it won’t be easy, but it’s not impossible
If it were I would all be sitting in my grave
So, wake yourself up daily and decide to walk in your truth
Because only changing your ritual, will you change how you behave

And if God should wake you up tomorrow
 I only ask that you take time out for some TLC
Because it does not matter what anyone says or, may repeat
You are in charge of your views, actions, mind and your reality

My Angel, you are the only one that can change your fate
So, Angel, let’s rid your soul of all your heartache
Just like me, challenge yourself to learn something more each day
And in time you will see success come your way

If God wakes me up each day at 5:00 a.m.
Then it’s within those five seconds, I must decide my day’s plan
And when I get out of bed and put on my shoes
I know as long as I’m in control and aware, I still get to choose who I am

I don’t want you to know the prison, I was in
Or feel the losses or regret for the crimes that many committed
I can give you the solutions, I can show you what you can do
But each day you must make a DECLARATION that you’ll finally walk in your truth and admit it

Because blaming anyone you can think of will not change a thing
You might have gone down the wrong roads, but you can begin again
Because God put you here for a reason, so believe in your worth
Because each day you get to breath, that is your new rebirth

So, stop blaming your parents, stop blaming where you came from
Because if you continue to believe that story, you’ve lost the war, not won
God brought you in alone and alone is a path you must take
And whatever happens next, don’t blame the world for your mistakes

God made us each autonomous and we have a mission and a mark
So, we must keep our sacred values closer to our heart
There is no such thing as a stranger, we are all sisters and brothers
And when we truly reach out to them, they will not hate us, but love us

We are going through a world crisis and our pride must be erased
So, get rid of the hurt and stand strong and take back your place
So, decide today that your excuses are over and everything else will be fine
The whole world is changing faster now, so take care of your body and mind

Do not let the past drag you back in, you will win and you will find the way
If you are not happy, make a plan and let go, move on because it will better again
 Be brave and move on and stop believing anything less
Because my Angel, you have a beautiful soul, listen to God, he will help you do the rest

Angel, you do not have to stay in bad circumstances out of loyalty or vows
This is something you can discuss with God because that is not what he allows
God gave you a mission and he will tell you where you need to go
But, first you have to love and forgive yourself and as you plant new seeds you’ll grow

© Giggles the Poet October 6, 2020

I really appreciate God for these words. I do not know about you, but, from where I am coming from…. COURAGE

We re not VICTIMS……WE WERE VICTIMS OF CIRUMSTANCES

ONLY YOU CAN CHANGE THOSE CIRCUMSTANCES……or BECOME YOUR OWN PERPERTRATOR ……WE ALL HAVE CHOICES

© Giggles the Poet October 6, 2020

Thank you Lord, for your perceptions 🙂