OUR DAILY BREAD – BRAIN EMPOWERMENT

Hello, FB_IMG_1452207071408Angels, I haven’t done this before, but I figure I have this beautiful opportunity to invite you all on a wonderful journey with me of the mind, body, spirit.   And you will get to a place of knowing why you are truly here and what mission you are to complete.  What do you truly want?  What is your WHY?

You are here to do this not alone, but with many.

I may stand alone, but 10, 0000 or more stand with me!

OUR DAILY BREAD-AWARENESS

I’m coming to realize that our daily bread is what we are feeding our body and brain.  We need to see what we are feeding ourselves….our thoughts, and our bodies.

Start laughing daily because you’ll change the state of your mind and it’s great for clarity and say, I‘m grateful for this day, despite it all. 

I have used a lot of means to help me get to where I am today and get me through life challenges.  I have been blessed with a new power of mind and the universe guides me.  Angels, when you are aligned with the universe you are balanced and your inner compass will show you the way…..

Try to focus on what really is worthwhile in your life and what you need to do to set things right, or let go of.  The funny thing about growing is just that GROWING it’s nurturing from within.  And when you nurture yourself, you will change.  And you’ll need to remember things will still the same in the world, others will still be the same, but, it’s you that changed, not the world.  And when you step out as a warrior, you will help others change.

The world is still doing the same things, so don’t be hard on yourself if you notice things that you’ve tolerated, but you’ll no longer tolerate.  Your relationships will change, don’t be surprised that you won’t keep all the people you know now….because as you change, it will happen, as you grow, other’s will leave.

The cycle of life SUCKS…but, it’s an ever-changing cycle.  Experiences are supposed to come to us and go through us., but many times we are blocked and the experiences stay with us and within us, known as baggage.  We can’t grow holding on to bad experiences as we grow up without realizing it.  We were taught many things as children, but we’ve never been taught how to think for ourselves, and we were never taught how to let go.  We’ve never been taught LIFE TOOLS. 

And we follow the herd, silently, or we walk around angry playing the blame game.  Nobody wins being angry, nobody wins when we are energetically blocked.

When you grow and begin to be your authentic self, we are empowered.  Life is not in charge anymore, we are.  And we let experiences and life flow through us.  We flow and give off a bigger vibration that brings great things our way.

Don’t let your thinking get sidetracked by your emotions, getting sidetracked is a choice, I know I’ve been sidetracked all my life, feeling incomplete, lost, alone, being abused, but several years ago, I found a way to retrain my brain and my life began to change. 

Today, I am no longer a victim of circumstances, I have changed those circumstances.  I’m no longer living the story life threw in my face, I healed my mind and spirit and I’m rewriting my future….and I can show you how. 

You can stop being over-extended to the point you’re not effective in any one area of your life.  Your intuition is strong, you are stronger than you think my angel. Pay attention and argue with yourself and challenge your thoughts!  Get rid of what doesn’t serve you.

 Each day gets shorter and shorter, as does, TIME, SELF-CARE, ATTENTION, AND IT’S LIFE’S PRECIOUS MOMENTS WE’RE MISSING….

Start a C.R.A.P. journal, (CONFUSION, REGRETS, ANGER, PAIN.)   Writing down the fear, overwhelm and crap that your feeling brings clarity and clears it out from within.  When you feel tired, stressed and overwhelmed it’s because of the thoughts that are running rampant in your mind….it makes you tired and hurts your heart…

Angels, each morning/night remember 5 things (or more) that you are grateful for this day.  Put a notebook by your bed and keep track of your gratitude, your GOALS/DREAMS, and thinking.  You will find that a great many things will change WITH CLARITY.

CLARITY AND CHANGES

Lord, I am making all these new changes
T
here are fires and passion in my soul
I’m too young and alive to be dying
Behind thee four walls, where I grew the most

As I grow, I will need understanding
Because my mind works differently than yours
I am rising above all the past labels
I have a mission, God set my course

I’ve been feeling lost and alone for too many years
And only I can change my destiny
I have the knowledge, growth, skills, and resources
There’s no longer a volunteer victim inside of me

Lord, I’m healing and erasing the labels
You are teaching me POWER AND GRACE
I know I have a greater passion for life this time around
And I smile knowing that I’m still part of the beautiful human race

I have been waiting for thirty-four years for this moment
When I finally take my place back in society
There’ll be no more chaos, now I have a true vision
And there’s a wealth of knowledge for me yet to see

I know I need your support and your guidance
I’ll commit and do the work for me
I carry no more judgment, shame or dishonor
And I’ll expect the same from the people I meet

We are all here to help each other keep growing
There is something far greater in each fellowman
We are here to teach our children, to grow and dream bigger
As we all continue learning who we are and where we stand…..

© Giggles the Poet
October 28, 2017

I AM COMING BACK LIKE A TSUNAMI

Aww…and this was my reading for my PERSONAL DAY

My angels, when you train your mind, suddenly matters that confused and troubled you become crystal clear.  Take advantage of this insight and trust your intuition. Express your artistic tendencies.  You may have a great novel or ingenious invention inside you: today is a good time to let some of that latent creativity show. You can rewrite your story….

Give yourself daily TLC and postpone all but the most vital chores so that you can fully focus on your visions of the possible.  Share your inspired and inspiring thoughts with others. 

Speak up, Speak out!  Your inner radiance will illuminate the lives of everyone you see.  The progress you make will be valuable not for the mental and spiritual gain it brings you, but rather in terms of how well it prepares you to handle tomorrow’s challenges.

Angels, I hope you find many reasons to smile throughout the day, despite it all, and despite whatever may be going on in your life right now, be proud of who you are and know you can STEP INTO YOUR GREATNESS.   Take stock and strategize life is too short to want, need, miss, or feel negative.

You are beautiful, strong and courageous if you made it this far, then you are meant to go and grow further.  Changing will make you feel uncomfortable, but that only lasts a little while, others won’t like it, but you are here to do the work for you, not for them.  And as long as you’re living with PURPOSE, INTEGRITY, and ACCOUNTABILITY, things will change for the better.  Whenever life hits you in the face with troubles, that’s God’s way of saying change course, you are heading in the wrong direction.  Tell others your story to EMPOWER, then rewrite your ending….

YOU HAVE A CHOICE TO CHOOSE YOUR:

Thoughts                                                          Dreams

Feelings                                                          Believe in your path

Environment                                                 Trust your instincts

Job                                                                  Find your true passion

Travel                                                             Complete your bucket list

Explore                                                           Who you are, and WHAT you want

People                                                             Where you live

What you think at any given moment     Who you become/want to be

DESTINY

CHALLENGE YOUR THOUGHTS then you will see the solutions. 

Music for gratitude  

SUBLIMINAL RECORDING FOR EMPOWERMENT.  Download to your phone and listen as many time as you feel overwhelmed or stressed, uncertain, or just need a pick me up.  It’s sure to take you out of the focus of negativity, helping you make a mental shift.

Be Kind To Your Mind 

Affirmations to help you improve your mind and relationships

“DON’T THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN’T DO…THINK ABOUT HOW YOU’RE DOING WHAT YOU CAN.. (c) Giggles the Poet

Repeat affirmations daily, the more you change your internal dialogue and negative words, the better you change your brainwaves and the subconscious state overall. We have to reprogram our patterns and make new representations to what your negative minds have believed all these years.  Your mind will run on autopilot until you take command.  

Your subconscious makes the decisions based on past decisions and that is not always right, or good.  Do you know that your subconscious doesn’t know the truth from a lie?  And you have the power to trick your subconscious into believing whatever YOU TELL IT.

if you THINK that you will never do any better, then your subsconscious will believe that and keep that on file, and when you try to do something different, it will come back with that echo…and suddenly what you wanted to try, is interrupted by doubt, fear and you won’t do any better, because you’ll stop yourself.  You aren’t always aware of this, but you can be.   AWARENESS is key.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, so give yourself a break and don’t be judgemental or criticize when you decide to change your thinking.  The object of this is to have your mind “Automatically” repeat positive things to the negative stuff that comes up in life and in your mind and eventually, the positive feelings and thinking will be automatic.

AFFIRMATIONS:

  • I believe I can do anything I put my mind too
  • I cherish the relationships I have
  • I am thankful for the great relationships I have had in my life
  • I am grateful for the new relationships that are showing up
  • I find it easy to love and support others
  • I naturally find ways to be thankful for the good I see in others
  • It’s easy for me to see the good in people
  • I am naturally compassionate and caring
  • I wake up every morning feeling gratitude for the people that are in my life
  • Several times a day, I take time to give thanks for the people in my life
  • I make good decisions regarding relationships
  • All limiting beliefs about relationships are melting away
  • Each day, my confidence is growing
  • Each day, my relationships are improving
  • I instantly know how to improve my relationships upon awakening each day
  • I find it easy to solve problems and resolve conflicts
  • I naturally say the right things to improve my relationships
  • I am naturally feeling the right feelings to attract the relationships I desire
  • I find it easy to meet other people’s needs when it is appropriate
  • I am a good listener
  • My energy attracts the relationships that I desire
  • I am attractive in many different ways
  • I am important, relevant in this world and I have purpose
  • I naturally attract loving and supporting relationships
  • I feel great joy when I see healthy and loving relationships
  • I celebrate other people’s healthy relationships
  • I attract relationships that allow me to grow
  • I welcome relationships that remind me of my strengths and beauty
  • I easily let go of relationships that do not support my highest and best
  • I am clear on my purpose, passion and I get to recreate my world
  • Naturally, my mind is calm and relaxed
  • My intuition grows with each day
  • My energy easily transforms negativity to positivity
  • I am protected and surrounded by love and healing energy that grows each day
  • I celebrate each time my higher self-guides me in the right direction
  • I am naturally thankful for my psychic abilities right now
  • I am aware of how naturally intuitive I am
  • My capacity to modulate positivity grows each day
  • Positive energy flows through me with greater intensity each day
  • I remember to ask that my vibration increase every day
  • I focus on increasing my vibration several times a day
  • I naturally repel negativity without thought
  • I am grounded at all times
  • The earth supports and protects me
  • As I sleep and dream, I am given all the information I require to make good decisions
  • I find it easy to receive information from the universe
  • I am connected to infinite knowledge
  • I am important, relevant in this world and I have purpose
  • I use my abilities for good
  • I give thanks for my abilities every day
  • Upon awakening, I feel grounded and connected to infinite knowledge and wisdom
  • I am always connected and supported
  • It is easy to receive guidance
  • It is easy for me to know which steps to take
  • It is easy for me to discern the truth in any situation
  • I am grateful for my health
  • I remember that the more I give thanks for my health, the more my health increases
  • I am feeling healthy right now
  • I naturally receive healing energy from the earth and the universe
  • All limiting beliefs regarding health are melting away
  • I am healthy
  • My mind is healthy
  • My spirit is healthy
  • I feel healthy right now
  • I naturally make good decisions regarding my health
  • Healthy eating comes naturally
  • I remember to bless my food and drink with love and health
  • I am truly blessed with increasing health
  • I give thanks for my health
  • I remember to feel healthy several times every day
  • Upon awakening, I give thanks for my health
  • I find it easy to take positive action improving my health
  • I have a healthy and normal blood pressure
  • My arteries and veins are becoming even more healthy than the day before
  • My heart flows with healing energy
  • My digestive system is becoming even more healthy than it is now
  • My lungs are becoming even more healthy than they are now
  • I find it easy to command healing energy in my body
  • As I sleep and dream, my health is improving
  • I am now programmed for health and vitality
  • My body naturally remains healthy and vibrant
  • I instantly know what food choices are right for me
  • My organs are becoming even more healthy than they are right now
  • I celebrate the good health of others
  • My thyroid is becoming even more healthy then it is now
  • My hormonal system is balanced and functioning perfectly
  • I celebrate the phenomenal job my lymphatic system is performing
  • I am blessed by God’s faith in me and my faith in myself

I AM HERE TO HELP YOU DO THE WORK.

FEAR = FOCUS EMPOWERMENT AND RESILIENCE  OR

FORGET EVERYTHING AND RUN

Find new words for negative meanings.  Repeat them daily to change your mind patterns, you will eventually change your inner dialogue

EVERYTHING WORTH DOING IS WORTH DOING RIGHT.  Let’s GET IT RIGHT FOR THE LAST TIME.  WE ONLY HAVE THESE PRECIOUS MOMENTS….and this precious life.  If you don’t clear up your crap in this life, you will repeat the same in the next life….until you get it and decide YOU ARE RUNNING THE SHOW.  Angel, you are in charge of your life and destiny.  Build a life by design….your way this time and teach the children that they too can do the same.  You reap what you sow….

Be kind to your mind

MAKE YOUR MIND YOUR BITCH!

Love and hugs my Angels,

Giggles the Poet
October 28, 2017 6:00 PM

 

HOW TO LIVE AN EXTRAORDINARY LIFE

MY DECLARATION

I’m FREE….

Hello my angels, just popping in to say I deeply immersed at the end of my book….and my publisher offered me a marketing package….at no charge….awesome……!!!! whoop whoop

Angels, I want you to believe in something better, in you, and for you ….if you learn and know what you want…and how to really think and make it happen…..

I’ve made a complete overhaul, waking with energy that helps me build a bigger mind and stronger soul and body. I feel like I’m picking up where I left off at twenty two….where my life changed exponentially…..forever

God has helped me over the last few years, being more diligent with his poetry, where sometimes the truth will be found….I have always written myself into a new life…..and this time it’s an extraordinary life…..I created by getting out of my own way and training my mind to know only peace, harmony and happiness…..sure, I’ll face more challenges, but, I get to choose how I see them…and what meaning is attached…

the changes I’ve seen, I make happen, and I challenge life like a lioness. Never backing down now from facts and fiction…..lol has made me proud and awed for the spirit God kept protected even from me until I heard my mind, body heart……and I sat still without judement….what an incredible awakening…..to a new me……

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-1cwcrg1Ks

watch this daily if you are stuck…confused, low in energy, watch it even if you don’t think you have any issues…..this will change your life in one hour…..

This too is worth everyone in your life’s attention
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsqTZZUM–M

one hour of learning will change your mindset…and give you something more to focus on…….

If I can reverse the damages to my mind and body……free my body of toxins and overflow with gratitude for making it…….my angels, you can too free your mind and body …

Put both hands over your hearts and be still…calm the mind by taking in 3 deep breaths, blowing out heavily through the mouth….this calms your nervous system and gives you more energy and clarity to deal with your worries and doubts, problems.

You can’t fix a problem with the brain that created it. You can build a better brain and habits, daily ….who doesn’t want to “AGE BACKWARDS AND RECLAIM YOUR BRAIN.” MAKE YOUR MIND YOUR BITCH….SKILLS FOR PILLS… Your question is WHY? Do you think you don’t deserve to get rid of the crap in your mind….or the crap in your life…..remember this is your journey…and your life…..grow balls….lol…..Don’t just think any more on things you can’t change…start thinking about how to change what you caYou’ll have all the support you need on this awesome life journey…..

We are all brothers and sisters looking for the same thing….
Certainty
Variety
Connection/Love/security
Contribution-giving beyond yourself.
Gratitude
….

Tony is the greatest teacher for telling it as it is in a whole new way…..everything I learn daily from him, I write and grow and my soul is overflowing right now and I’m in training like Rocky….to strengthen and train further these brain programs….

Be kind to your mind
Love and hugs ]
Giggles the poet

DREAMS DO COME TRUE :)

I FINSHED MY BOOK TODAY!!!   34 YEARS TO THE DAY THE WAR BEGAN, IT ENDS FOR ME.

THANK YOU JESUS…..this is the happiest day of the first day of the rest of my life……..

As I go forward, all I can see are possibilities….and promise and I have been reborn from the hardships to recognize a life of infinite light and grace, beauty, and breath…..one heartbeat.

When you change your focus your inner world changes and your outer world shows up to match that vision……..as it has had an effect on mine….

34 years ago destruction came into my life in the form of a misdiagnosis….and I have finally gotten off the road to “Medical Madness.” TODAY I FINISHED MY BOOK…….AND MY LIFE BEGINS AGAIN…..A WHOLE NEW WORLD IS AROUND ME….when I finished the story, I got to see a complete full circle….where I found only me and no pain, fear, aloneness….only me…and God and an infinite world of possibilities that lie before me now.

When the book is gone……so is the wars, and the sorrow,  hardships, losses…….now I build my world and it has peace, joy, laughter, growth and a new mind and body…..My scars are my armor that I display with pride……no more harm will come to my world.

Thank you, my angels, for being out there to listen, for being my friend and sharing in a whole new world of consciousness, knowing the self and on this journey, let  me show you how to eliminate fear…..how to feel safe, autonomous and use fear for fuel, ride the tiger of fear all the way to the end..

I CALL THIS AGIGING BACKWARD

WINNING THE GAME OF FEAR… turn meanings around and retrain your brain.  Rid yourself of fear in less than 90 seconds….

I made it.  After 34 years, my book Give Me A Second, will be out before my new year…..God, I am so blessed.   Find your passions angels and get out of your own way as you to find the you that is empowered to dream bigger….because you can dance to the beat of your own drum…..God gives us TIME…..

Keep pushing yourselves, angels…..you can find me on FaceBook and check out my Advice and Healing Links to Free stuff….for a daily dose of inspiration, brain tips, or if you need something specific, ask and I probably have it.

I have amassed a large library for my clients, for anyone who needs to find their true footing.  No excuses, I’ve lived them and wrote the books…or poems…..lol but there is a safe way….a way you will empower yourself that you won’t hesitate again in your life….or question yourself.

It’s taken me only a few years to break through the trauma of my life journey…..but I did…and excelled in what I did, do as rituals to keep me going.  I deal with nerve damage and so much more…..no longer is my life interrupted by pain, depression, anxiety, I was agoraphobic for a long time…couldn’t get passed the door when I was alone….but the mind is a great cavern of untapped possibilities…..

I got hungry for information….and self-growth began in a way I never experienced.  A whole new level of consciousness and heart connection and your world changes in less time than it takes to be miserable….

Take a new journey 🙂

Love and hugs
Giggles the Poet

Giggles Counselling & Consulting
SKILLS FOR PILLS
B.R.A.I.N. Training
647-298-3587
gigglescounselling@gmail.com

MAKE YOUR MIND YOUR BITCH

FEAR – FOCUS = EMPOWERMENT = AND = RESILIENCE

 

 

 

 

I pray that you too find that special spark within…that has you overflowing in both mind, body, and spirit….

A new world begins…2017 brenda

Dress for Success

Writers are rare birds. We like to separate ourselves from the rest of the flock when we do our work. Solitude is our natural inclination. We also like to be comfortable. So, so very comfortable. When I was in college, I could only write if I was wearing my “writing shirt” – a grubby, […]

via Dress the part so you can (maybe) act the part — Live to Write – Write to Live

WINNING THE GAME OF FEAR:

global-domestic-violence-abusing-mother-earth-concept-violent-bruised-black-eye-human-face-world-map-as-33623651
GOD’S MASTERPIECE – THE BEAUTIFUL MIND
Hello, Angels, I hope you all had a great day and were inspired by everything 🙂
Today was a very inspiring day, the more I am learning the more I feel myself come out of my isolation and shell…..and now I am aiming for higher dreams….I am now looking at building a non-profit Counselling & Consulting business…..and will be looking for a government grant to help me make that dream come true.
I have studied and amassed a great library of self-development over the last 10 years, and that is what I share to those in need…..I have too many resources, training and an array of magic that has helped me transform is still helping me transform my life…..and it is a new revolutionary way of taking care of number one….YOU…
And today I met with another friend to pitch going into business with me…and got luckier to realize that her boyfriend practically does the same things……and he is an author of amazing life skills….I could not be more blessed that I have found like-minded people that can help me make a new life and dreams possible……
It is never too late to dream, or rebuild a life….and I know God has kept mealie for this purpose…..and if I could pull through anyone can…..a non-profit would help me help more people and they won’t have to worry about having to spend a lot of money on their dreams……as long as you are committed….everything is possible….
When people resist change…. when they resist the truth. It’s only the uncertainty…..the FEAR of something different the unknown that keeps us fighting, keeps us stuck and held back by those subconscious limitations….
But …to believe and to know they can learn to tap into the mind in ways that you’ve never thought of ways that you’ve never conceived to have the power to control their thoughts and Feelings emotions. ..behaviors….. to be in control of everything that triggers you good or bad
It’s fear hold us back and you won’t recognize it because it’s been in you all your life.. you are programmed to think negatively to hesitate to be uncertain and to lack self-confidence when the unknown is in front of you……BUT
WHEN YOU CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS
THE THINGS YOU LOOK AT CHANGE
so true. …
Look at things differently and say different things other than the same old tired words….. you can energize your mind and body……pause and take a deep breath when you feel stress or pain…… you feel anything negative …. learn to take time out for yourself every day to do this until….
be one with your mind until that becomes automatic
You can change your Yourself by what you say….. and when you energize yourself why me words you energize your body and mind to take action
You can change your State of Mind, something I want to say in your mind to yourself
So many people seem to be afraid of change or maybe afraid of their own mind thinking that they can’t or won’t change
circumstances…. they don’t have the money or resources …… but you need only one and that is the resource and that it starts from within because as you grow stronger from within your confidence grows and your energy rules your actions increase and your motivations Skyrocket the answer is your WHY
Unless you have been committed and you try then you cannot say this won’t work for you…… Society has running in circles it’s time to slow the pace down and take care of yourself because, in the end, all you have is yourself. … and God
We are in a whole new era of change and it begins with the mind we are not a product of our past……hereditary won’t take those down unless we let it unless we follow the path that our parents follow and believed a subconscious excuse to go no further…
..
All it takes is one hour a day of training your brain and in less than a few weeks, you will notice a greater change in your life overall take the next step be brave and fight through the fear and win back You’re Beautiful Mind because you can change the world with every beautiful thought….
FEAR YOU CHOOSE THE MEANING
False evidence appearing real
Focus empowerment and resilience
Forget everything and run
Everything we see now we can change the meaning in our mind and changes the reaction and emotional triggers it’s an awesome experience when you can control your mind more each day your creativity Skyrockets…..
the Next Generation can learn from you on how they can become autonomous and successful lions powering themselves and learning SKILLS FOR PILLS and how to understand their beautiful mind….. is any better path to create and be more successful
You can’t just go to the gym and work out your body ……because without your mind your body will not stay in any shapes that you were trying to put it into.
if you give your body that time give you mind that time as well
Be kind to your mind
Love and hugs
Giggles the Poet
Reach for the Stars they’re closer than you think
GIGGLES COUNSELLING AND CONSULTING IS NOW ACCEPTING MORE CLIENTS…..
SKILLS FOR PILLS  You can change your life, your mind and, your fate.
I have learned from a multitude of resources…..and as a client, you have access to those resources, unending learning, creativity, emotional balance and mental freedom to train your brain…..audios and brain games to increase your brain power…..training and recordings to help rewire your brain decreasing pain, depression, anxiety and an array of other physical problems….
I have a B.R.A.I.N. A program that with EMPOWER you to SUCCEED in every aspect of life….recordings, training that will help you succeed and move forward constantly…….be who you are supposed to be without limiting beliefs…….
A program geared like none other specific to a client both mentally and physically….reducing the need for medications, drugs that only harm the brain and body further…..
Your life journey is just beginning……and you will have resources available that will supercharge your passions and training in self-development that will help you succeed further at anything 🙂
Your support doesn’t end when a session is over, you will have continued support and resources you never dreamed possible…
…teach yourself then teach your children……pay it forward
FIRST CONSULTATION IS FREE…
When you are ready to see a whole new side to yourself and life…..contact me at
gigglescounselling@gmail.com
God bless……WALK WITH FAITH

BREAKING THE SILENCE-MEDICAL MADNESS

SILENCE IS NOT GOLDEN
 Hello Angel, thank you for reading my poetry. This poem “MEDICAL MADNESS,” is what I leave behind me as I rebuild my life.  This explains my thirty-three-year journey fighting for my life, medical care and respect from a very corrupt Workers Compensation board (injured worker’s insurance system) while trying to find someone to acknowledge a severely broken rib in my upper back from an 1985, a “broken rib,” that was misdiagnosed as “Rhomboid muscle strain.” that led me down a road I called “MY WALKTHROUGH MEDICAL MADNESS.”  I recently put up a video that explains my poem….https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDGctIQRGnA&t=122s
MEDICAL MADNESS
Old memories plague me in the darkness
And as they rear their ugly head
They only remind me of all that I’ve lost
My life, my freedom, and my children are dead
Dear God, please forgive my anger
For these many transgressions that I see
But all the madness that I have lived through
Almost got the better of me
I have no need for food or sleep
What I crave most is the sun and air
But, when I look out the window of my sanctuary
I see no signs of the truth out there
Dear God, it’s you I’ve turned to the most
For answers, for courage and faith
And as I read these medical reports of cruelty
Anger washes over me, replacing the hate
My Lord, I have, but five days to go
Can I hold onto the hope this doctor will come to my aid?
I can’t close my eyes; I can’t find any rest
From the pain these surgeons continually create
I see clearly such torture in one operation
And I shake with the echo of hearing my pleas
During this procedure, I felt what they were doing
And when I slipped into unconsciousness, fear followed me
When I woke up in recovery, I felt only doom
Because all I’ve done for so long was cry and beg
Now I felt something different when I turned on my machine
The current was not reaching my back but was running down both my legs
The first surgeon that implanted this medical device
Offered me a choice between paralysis and pain
And as I read these words again in my medical file
It leaves me reeling in sorrow, reeling in shame
Once again, I was sent back to my prison of silence
I lost the job that I loved and my friends for nine years
I kept searching for help, but no one would touch me
And each night I lay down, on my pillow of tears
It took three long years to find another surgeon
He said he would operate and put the wires in place
He smiled as he spoke and promised to help
I smiled back through my fear, as I looked up at his face
I believed what he promised, but I felt like a fool
As I waited daily in my bed for his call
Depression took over, as days turned into months
He couldn’t be reached; I was climbing the walls
My doctor’s husband took over and went to his office
Not leaving until he got my surgery date
Workers Compensation harassed me, wouldn’t leave me in peace
They wanted me back to work, and they wouldn’t wait
The day finally came; I had my fifth operation
Another stranger opened me up, creating a mess
When I woke up much later, I felt such foreboding
I turned on my machine, and I screamed from the stress
Something was wrong; the current was closer
But, it still gave me no comfort as it had done years before
I looked up at my doctor, and as I was being sedated
I wondered how I would get over being sliced open once more
Two weeks later, I was back for my next operation
I tried to prepare my mind for what was to come
This sixth operation was finally completed
I went home feeling gratitude for what he had done
Alone with my sorrow, my body felt mangled
I recovered slowly a few more years gone
I asked God for assistance in clearing my heart
I tried to forgive the ones who had done me wrong
Five years passed lost in depression and pills
Now, I needed Workers Compensation to help me update my skills
The office software had changed from five years ago
And when I asked my caseworker for help I received a flat “No.”
I was still in grave shock as I hung up the phone
I had no one beside me; I felt completely alone
I needed some hope I then called her manager
The kindness in his voice helped soothe some of my anger
I paid into this system from the time I was ten
They cared nothing about me or the hell I’d been in
I asked them for help; their stoic response caused me shame
It seemed every report they wrote, said I had low back pain
I questioned my pension wondering what that was based on
When I told them the truth, they treated me like a con
I asked them why would I lie, or pretend to have pain?
They paid me such meagre wages; I had nothing to gain
These machines, they paid thousands of dollars for electrocuted me twice
I know if it happened again, death would be rolling the dice
The adjudicator asked me nothing, and they cared even less
And my depression got worse, my mind and body were a mess
When I cried on the phone, they had no empathy
They said those were the rules; they had to follow policy
I had to hustle my body, even though I was a wreck
Other resources wouldn’t help me, and I would receive no cheque
It has been twenty-nine years and all that I know
Are the mangled scars on my back, things that won’t show
I still fight in a system that refuses to care
And each day I ask God, what’s the reason I’m here
© Brenda Keough
March 13, 2014
A broken rib in 1985, caused the biggest challenge I would ever experience in my life, sending me on a fight for my life and medical attention to find someone to acknowledge I had a broken rib and not “muscle problems.”
Misdiagnosis happens more than we think, or hear about. To think that a simple broken rib would cause such heartache, losses, and destruction in this day and age with is a crime.
This picture is the result of six unnecessary operations I suffered after the broken rib was removed in 1986, almost a year later. The result of that was that I was left with nerve damage that caused further problems and pain.
The picture next to it is called a Medtronic Neurotransmitter, (spinal column stimulator.) This was inserted into my body in 1991, to stop nerve pain. This device would send electricity through my nervous system, stopping the pain. I wore this device 24/7 and was able to return to the workforce at least for seven years….and for seven years I was forgotten by everyone that was supposed to monitor this machine…..it became a part of me like breathing…..
Unfortunately,  I was left to suffer the consequences of this device malfunctioning and electrocuting me on two occasions while at work.  Had it not been for my co-workers unplugging the cord from the transmitter, or had I been anywhere else that day, it would have killed me.
These problems and further injuries have been swept under the carpet for thirty-three years by the Adjudicator’s on my case at the Workers Compensation Board.  And I fought each time for medical care that came much too late.
Because of ignorance, I lost two children the first year and the losses continued accumulating, but for every loss God made up with beautiful words of poetry that kept me sane, helping me find a better perspective on looking at the situations I was up against.
I can only pray that my experiences, won’t become the experience of someone else.  I was twenty-two when this happened, frightened, in pain and up against some pretty big doctors….and I fought these battles, for the most part, requesting my medical case be investigated, but like my words, they were lost on many.
We need to make changes to the way we are treated by doctors and changes to this corrupt Workers Compensation Board that discards injured workers, causing more depression, injuries and sometimes death.  We don’t have a system that protects us, but a system that buries their dead under outdated policies.
WE ARE MORE THAN A LABEL…AND MORE THAN A DISABILITY…..
INSPIRATION IS OUR NAME